Freeze-Frame: How to Get Unstuck by Thinking Differently

“Freeze-frame” is a term used by filmmakers to describe a single frame of a film or video that has been stopped to make it look like the character or scenery is frozen in time.

In his classic book Watership Down, novelist Richard Adams came up with another wonderfully quirky term to describe rabbits when they become paralyzed by fear of predators or the unknown: “Going tharn.” If you’ve ever taken a walk in the woods and seen a rabbit joyfully scampering about only to suddenly freeze when it senses your presence, you know exactly what that looks like. You might even know exactly what it feels like to go tharn.

Freezing up, paralysis by analysis, or simply getting stuck are all terms those of us in the non-rabbit community use to describe a state in which we are unable to move forward no matter how much we want to—the opposite of flow. Fear of failure, of the unknown, or of being exposed as an imposter can all contribute to an inability to make a decision, take a risk, or even take the next step.

Of the more than 100 leaders and individual contributors I’ve had the privilege to coach, the most common challenge they cite by far is a feeling of being stuck—stuck in a challenging assignment, a difficult working relationship, or in figuring out the next phase of their professional or personal lives. Stuck like the character played by Jack Nicholson in The Shining--literally a movie about getting stuck, first by writer’s block then by a blizzard.

People in this situation often compound their frustration at being stuck by beating themselves up for “overthinking,” which is a term often misused as an insult by others who don’t think nearly enough themselves. I believe the solution to getting unstuck is not to stop overthinking. It’s to start thinking differently.

Image Source: The Princess Bride / MGM Studios

Here are five ways to do just that, followed by an offer to help you get unstuck.

1. Move from Object to Subject

The first and most important step in getting unstuck is recognizing you actually have the power to do it.

In grammar a “subject” is the person or thing doing something, while the “object” is having something done to it. In other words, the subject is the actor, the initiator, or as described in the poem Invictus: “The master of my fate and the captain of my soul.” The object is the acted upon, the reactor, the victim of fate.

One of the most powerful coaching exercises when a client is stuck is to help them move from object to subject by recognizing they have agency and power over their circumstances—maybe not over everything, but certainly over something. Even people stuck in quicksand have the power to extricate themselves by breathing deeply to become buoyant, leaning into a back float position to distribute their weight, and grabbing a nearby branch or hand to pull themselves out.

When you are feeling stuck, first ask yourself, “What things are within my power to move forward?”

2. Explore Third Ways

My favorite part of a coaching session is when we get to the end and I ask my client the “magic” coaching question: “What did you learn about yourself during our discussion?” One of my most thoughtful and self-aware clients answered this question in a recent session by admitting, “I have a tendency to engage in `all or nothing’ thinking, and I need to be willing to explore alternatives.”

To which I felt like responding, “Preach it, sister!” Or, perhaps, “Get in line!”

Under pressure (whether external or self-imposed), humans have a natural tendency to engage in dualistic, either/or thinking that limits us to only two options. When the “all” option seems unachievable from where we stand and “nothing” is intolerable, then we feel stuck without any viable options.

Another coaching exercise I use to help clients break free of this pattern is called “navigating polarities,” a term popularized by authors Brian Emerson and Kelly Lewis. It helps clients identify the benefits and downsides to both ends of the all-or-nothing polar extremes and to explore third ways that might help them achieve more of the former while limiting the latter.

When you’re in a place where neither option presented to you seems workable and you get locked up as a result, one way to free yourself is by asking yourself or your team, “What other options are possible that we could explore?”

3. Power of the Reframe

I recently read something suggesting that, after God, the algorithm is the most powerful force in the universe. While the spooky relationship between my Internet searches and the ads that mysteriously pop up on my social media would seem to validate this claim, I believe there is an even more powerful human construct out there: the power of the reframe.

To reframe is to recognize there are different ways to look at a situation and to consciously choose a healthier, more empowering, and liberating way of looking at a challenge. A classic example of a reframe can be seen in this public service announcement, in which a young boy playing baseball by himself on a sandlot tells himself assuredly, “I am the greatest hitter in the world,” before throwing the ball up in the air, swinging, and missing three times. https://www.passiton.com/inspirational-stories-tv-spots/99-the-greatest

Momentarily crestfallen after the third miss, the boy looks up excitedly after realizing another possibility and says proudly, “Wow, I’m the greatest pitcher in the world!”

Now that’s a reframe.

One of the reasons many of us get stuck in an uncomfortable situation is that we become paralyzed by thoughts of what could go wrong if we did the wrong thing or—just as likely--did the right thing imperfectly. We have a tendency to catastrophize (one of my favorite words) and tell ourselves the worst possible thing not only can happen, but almost certainly will.

From my coaching work, the most effective reframe a client can use to get unstuck is to ask the simple but powerful question, “Where’s the opportunity in this?” This reframe, by itself, is often sufficient to shift from “what could go wrong” thinking that leads to paralysis to “what can go right” thinking that leads to possibilities.

4. Just One Step

I have dear friends leading a growing house of worship who came up with a helpful saying to break down their daunting mission into something more manageable: “Just one more”—as in, just look for one more person to invite to our service next week.

This type of incremental thinking can be incredibly helpful for the Gallup Achievers® of the world (you know who you are), who can get overwhelmed by large-scale projects because they can’t immediately see the end in sight.

Instead of waiting to act until you have a grand master plan, take just one step to put yourself in motion and get yourself unstuck. The type of step you take will depend on your personality. Some people (like me) prefer to tackle the hard things first to get them out of the way, like eating your veggies before dessert. Others prefer to start with low-hanging fruit or easy wins in order to build up a sense of momentum. Whichever your preference, one key to becoming unfrozen is first to ask yourself “What is one small thing I can do to get started?”

And then, “What’s next?”

5. Start at . . . Wherever

Those of us who grew up using typewriters instead of laptops remember the painfully linear process required to compose our important documents from beginning to end, with no jumping around. For me, at least, this process created an inordinate amount of pressure to get it right from the very first sentence, which often led to writer’s block and not-infrequent all-nighters.

Sounds an awfully lot like getting stuck, doesn’t it?

Thanks to the miracles of modern technology, aspiring writers of today have no need to start at the beginning and work their way through methodically. Instead, they can start wherever their mind takes them–the beginning, the middle, or the end—and go back to the rest later.

I often use this technique in my work as a lawyer or even in writing these blog posts. If I get bogged down in the introductory portion of something I’m writing, I might jump to the conclusion instead. Or, if a particular stream of thought is not flowing well at the moment, I might go to one that is. Think of it as choosing the path of lesser resistance.

Choosing the path of lesser resistance applies to many things other than writing. If you find yourself getting stuck in one particular portion of a task, project, or even career, give yourself permission to choose a different path. Ask yourself, “What other thing can I work on today that will keep me moving forward?

Why Not Start Getting Unstuck?

The reason I am a coach is because I am called to help people discover and live out who they’re designed to be. Among other things, this means when my clients get stuck in their professional quicksand, I offer ways they can pull themselves out … and stay out.

If you are feeling stuck and would like help in getting unstuck, email me at mike.tooley@upstreamprinciples.com. I reserve two 30-minute coaching sessions each week on a no-charge basis to help people who are interested in learning more about coaching or who simply need a quick pull out of the quicksand.

Just one step . . . why wait?

Mike Tooley is a Co-Founder with Upstream Principles LLC, a coaching and consulting firm dedicated to helping individuals, leaders, and teams go upstream to discover solutions for their leadership and employee development challenges. As a certified Leadership and Strengths Coach, Mike is committed to serve as a guide to help others discover, and live out, who they are designed to be.