From Micro-Aggressions to Micro-Boosts: Small Ways to Make a Huge Impact for Belonging
As a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach, one of my core beliefs is that we don’t help people achieve excellence by identifying their weaknesses and urging them to spend their time bringing those shortcomings up to the level of mere competence. Instead, I aim to help clients achieve breakthroughs by encouraging them to identify their natural strengths—ways they are pre-wired for greatness—and leverage those strengths to achieve their personal and professional goals.
I can tell you from coaching over 100 leaders and individual contributors that this strengths-based approach works wonders in unleashing not only peak performance, but also higher levels of job satisfaction and overall happiness. My anecdotal experience is confirmed by Gallup’s engagement surveys, which show that individuals encouraged to leverage their strengths are 6x more likely to be engaged in their workplace and 3x more likely to report having an excellent quality of life, while businesses with programs to encourage employees to develop their strengths are 29% more profitable.
If focusing on leveraging what works instead of eliminating what doesn’t makes such a difference in engagement, quality of life, and performance, then why not take that same approach to the critical work of building a sense of belonging in our modern workplaces?
Wherever You Are, You Belong
Montrece Ransom is a fellow coach doing fantastic work helping women, people of color, and achievers of all stripes recognize their purpose and live it out unapologetically. One of the ways she empowers her clients is by reminding them, “Anywhere you’re called or aspire to be, you belong.”
I love the affirming power of that statement, while recognizing that it is difficult for people who don’t feel “part of the club” (whether due to the way they look, where they came from, or what they believe) to feel like they are being called to be there.
We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about the concept of “micro-aggressions,” especially relating to the challenges faced by people of color in the workplace. As explained by authors Ella F. Washington, Alison Hall Birch, and Laura Morgan Roberts, “Micro-aggressions are defined as verbal, behavioral, and environmental indignities that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults to the target person or group.” (“When and How to Respond to Microaggressions,” Harvard Business Review, July 2020).
More broadly, the theory behind micro-aggressions is that it’s not typically one big event that causes someone to feel excluded. Instead, it’s a series of smaller, incremental indignities over time that cumulatively send the signal you are unwelcome and don’t belong.
While the work of eliminating micro-aggressions is important, a strengths-based approach suggests the best way to create a sense of belonging is by identifying positive behaviors that contribute to belonging and doing more of them.
In other words, if the opposite of “unwelcome” is “belonging,” then what is the opposite of “micro-aggression,” and how can we use it to break down walls, empower individual team members to feel like they belong, and create more powerful teams?
Power of Small Things
The power of small things to have an immense impact has been made increasingly clear of late, both from the study of quantum physics and from a recent book by James Clear discussing how adopting small positive habits can lead to significant improvements in our lives.
In Atomic Habits, Clear argues that excellent performance comes less from massive changes to an organization or individual and more from the cumulative effect of gradual marginal gains. Analogizing habits to the power of compound interest, Clear explains that just as the millionaire next door makes her fortune by patiently accruing interest on her investments over time rather than winning the lottery, the effect of our habits (both positive and negative) multiplies and accumulates as we repeat them.
While improving your performance in a particular area by only 1% might not sound like much, he points out that if you do this every day for a year, you’ll be 37 times better in that area by the end. Reducing his theory to a mathematical equation: (Small improvements) x (Daily repetition) = Dramatic gains over time.
Marrying these two concepts together, what if atomic habits could be harnessed not just to increase performance, but also to foster a greater sense of belonging? What if we could turn the power of micro-aggressions on its head by creating micro-boosts?
What Micro-Boosts Can You Think of to Increase Belonging?
Without question, leaders must set the tone in promoting a culture of acceptance and belonging. However, some things are too important for the rest of us to “upsource” to the executive suite.
Tamara Cypress is a high-energy visionary (and former colleague) who is leading the charge to help support Black-owned businesses in Central Indiana. Her motto, “Lift as you climb,” challenges us not to wait until we get to the top to begin helping others around—and behind—us.
Applying Tamara’s challenge here, whether or not you are currently in leadership, we all have the opportunity to engage in daily micro-boosts that can help cultivate a sense of belonging for our entire team and individual team members. Here are a few that occur to me:
Make eye contact when you pass people in the halls, particularly people who may be new to the team. As simple as it sounds, this small act goes a long way toward helping people feel seen and included.
When people are talking to you, turn and face them with your whole body. Giving someone the benefit of your full attention is a powerful way to let them know they matter.
Take the initiative to introduce yourself to new team members, rather than putting the burden on them. Introduce them to your other friends in the workplace too.
Use the names of people in your workplace when addressing them and make the effort to pronounce them correctly.
Go out of your way to include people outside your normal circle in your reindeer games, whatever those games might be (lunch, coffee, after-work beverages). If you’re someone like me who prefers spending time with your close friends (Gallup Relators of the world unite!), this might be a challenge, but think of it as creating new close friends.
Express an interest in learning about your colleagues’ stories, while understanding they may not feel comfortable sharing them all at once . . . or ever.
Acknowledge to their face something your colleague did well and does well. Instead of offering the generic “good job,” give specific feedback like, “I really like the way you did _____.” Don’t be afraid to toot their horn to their boss, peers, and customers as well, both in their presence and behind their back.
Don’t withhold your suggestions for how they can improve out of a desire to avoid hurting their feelings. Nothing is more isolating than knowing you’re struggling but no one is willing to help you out or even acknowledge your situation.
Listen and hear when your colleagues are talking to you. That means putting away your cell phone, trying to understand the heart of what they’re trying to get across, and asking questions that show you care.
Show interest in things that matter to your colleagues and celebrate those things. A few years ago, I asked a colleague from a different faith tradition if I could accompany him to a service at his place of worship. He told me in response this was the first time in his career someone at work had asked to do this, and it was deeply meaningful to him. While I wasn’t looking to convert, I was looking to learn more about something that mattered to him, which inevitably sent the signal that he mattered to me.
Eliminating micro-aggressions is a necessary first step toward dismantling a culture of EX-clusion but creating a culture of affirmative IN-clusion requires more.
What micro-boosts have you experienced that caused you to feel like you belong and you matter? Please list them in the comments below so we can all benefit from your experiences the way a true community does—together.
Mike Tooley is a Co-Founder with Upstream Principles LLC, a coaching and consulting firm dedicated to helping individuals, leaders, and teams go upstream to discover solutions for their leadership and employee development challenges. As a certified Leadership and Strengths Coach, Mike is committed to serve as a guide to help others discover, and live out, who they are designed to be.