Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Last week’s post discussed sticking it out and lessons for how to persevere through adversity modeled by Olympic athletes. This week, let’s discuss an equally important series of concerns faced by a number of my coaching clients: knowing when to walk away from their current job situation, what to walk away for, and how to walk away well.
On Aug. 20, 2021, I celebrated my 30th anniversary at my law firm. This tenure would not be unusual in past generations, when it was common to retire from the same company where you started and 30 years meant mostly that you were eligible for full benefits under the company’s defined benefits pension plan.
(Note to anyone under 60 in the private sector: “defined benefit pension plans” are like dinosaurs. We know they existed because we’ve seen their skeletons, but we’ll never get to experience the live versions ourselves. Once again, thanks Boomers!)
Today, however, the notion of spending 30 years at the same company seems as antiquated as receiving a gold watch for staying in place in a world that uses Fitbits to measure how often you move.
Instead, many of us find ourselves in the professional equivalent of the situation described in the classic punk rock song from The Clash, asking ourselves:
“Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know
This indecision's buggin' me
If you don't want me, set me free
Exactly whom I'm supposed to be
Don't you know which clothes even fit me?
Come on and let me know
Should I cool it or should I blow?”
The Great Resignation
This uncertainty over whether to stay or go is especially pronounced in the new normal of the post-COVID world, which sees workers leaving their jobs in droves. According to the latest statistics compiled by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 12 million Americans quit their jobs in April-June of 2021, a record amount for any quarter.
The causes for what some are describing as the “Great Resignation” include burnout experienced by workers in industries deemed essential during COVID, combined with concerns by other workers about the safety of returning to the office environment. In addition, a wealth of new job opportunities have opened up for some talented workers as a result of employers realizing after more than a year of remotely managing their workplaces that many workers can perform their duties just as effectively from Peoria as from Silicon Valley—vastly expanding the job market for some.
As a result of these factors, Monster.com is reporting that a staggering 95 percent of workers are considering changing jobs, and 92 percent are even willing to switch industries to find the right position.
When to Walk Away
Although I’ve been blessed to work in an environment where I’ve been able to thrive and grow for 30 years, I recognize that most people have not had that privilege and periodically struggle with whether to leave for greener pastures. Heck, there may even have been a time or three when I picked up a call from a headhunter, only to think better of it.
There are times when it should be crystal clear it’s time to walk from your employer. No one should be forced to endure unlawful harassment, abusive treatment, or an expectation they engage in unethical practices simply to earn a paycheck, particularly if you’ve done your part to voice your concerns to no avail. Employment at will is a two-way street, and workers who decide enough is enough are entitled to walk away “for good reason, bad reason, or no reason at all” without feeling any guilt toward their former employer.
Most situations are not quite as clear cut, however, and require a more careful consideration of the pluses and minuses of leaving. One question I encourage my coaching clients to ask themselves before making the decision to leave is: how much of their current dissatisfaction relates to factors within their control and what changes they can make to turn their current job into their dream job before polishing up their resume.
Gallup has a well-known 12-question survey designed to identify when employees feel engaged in their current job, which many employers use for measuring workplace morale. For me, I think you can boil all these questions down to this simple one: “Is this a place I can see myself growing and thriving?” If not, then perhaps it’s time to find someplace that is.
What to Walk Away For
When we were studying the history of U.S. immigration in high school, one of my teachers taught us there were two forces at play: a push away from the old country and a pull toward the new one.
I share this same principle with my coaching clients when they are considering new opportunities. It’s not enough to know the reasons why you want to leave your old job; it’s critically important to know the reasons why the new job is a better fit.
Money is certainly a powerful motivator, particularly when you are in the early stages of your career and trying to pay off student loans or save for a down payment. Studies show, however, that the lasting increase in job satisfaction following a raise is only temporary, as we often upsize our spending habits to match our new income.
When I’m discussing possible job changes with coaching clients, we talk less about the financial reasons for the move and more about two other factors: the ability to use their strengths in the new role and future growth opportunities. In other words, will the new position you’re considering allow you to do what fuels you and use your natural giftedness? Will it provide opportunities to gain new skills and have new experiences that will stretch you in ways your old job wouldn’t?
Although fit and growth opportunities are important, it’s important to recognize that the right next job for you might not be your forever job. Instead it might just be the right job for you in this season because of location, industry, or some other reason.
Holding out for your dream job can unnecessarily limit you in your job search, put undue pressure on you to find the perfect situation and set you up for failure when you start your next job only to discover it may not be as perfect as it seemed on the outside.
Although Sting was talking about a different sort of leaving in his song “Consider Me Gone,” he provided wisdom in this lyric for those of us considering leaving our current employer and joining a new one: “To search for perfection is all very well. But to look for heaven, is to live here in hell.”
How to Walk Away Well
Many years ago, a colleague of mine became famous—or perhaps infamous—for declaring at the end of his annual performance evaluation that his raise did not match up with the value he placed on his own services and quitting on the spot. For years, his inspired peers discussed the possibility of erecting a statue in his honor (or at least a statue of certain portions of his anatomy) as a testament to his boldness, but cooler heads prevailed.
Allowing cooler heads to prevail is key when it comes to walking away from your old job well. As satisfying as it might seem in the moment to belt out Johnny Paycheck’s song, “Take This Job and Shove It,” on your last day, experience teaches us that tossing bombs on your way out rarely does anything more than damage relationships and burn bridges you might need to cross again in the future.
If your former employer asks you to engage in an exit interview, then by all means tell them the truth, but do so with the goal of helping them improve the environment for your replacement rather than to settle scores. Share with them your answers to these essential questions in your own words:
Here’s what I appreciated about my experience working here: _________________.
Here’s what could have helped me be more successful and enjoy my experience more: ________________.
Here are things you might consider doing differently in the future: ________________________.
Above all, don’t trash your former employer when you’re interviewing for your next job or after you’ve started it. Whether well-founded or not, such complaints will cause your new colleagues to wonder whether you were the problem at your old job and whether you might be complaining about them at your next one.
If you’re currently in a season in which “this indecision's buggin'” you regarding the future of your career and you would like an experienced coach to help you answer the important question, “should I stay or should I go?” contact me at mike.tooley@upstreamprinciples.com.
Mike Tooley is a Co-Founder with Upstream Principles LLC, a coaching and consulting firm dedicated to helping individuals, leaders, and teams go upstream to discover solutions for their leadership and employee development challenges. As a certified Leadership and Strengths Coach, Mike is committed to serve as a guide to help others discover, and live out, who they are designed to be.